Past couple of days I was binge watching on relationships and love, self discovery videos related to fear and pains and totally submerged in my emotions and depressed mode.

Watching lots of movies and documentary on Marilyn Monroe as well.
Resonating with so many emotions from characters and teenagers behaviors, love, loneliness and the society….adults busy life neglecting them…etc.

So much to talk but I don’t have time and energy to share all the movies I watched.
I cried a lot…felt so sad…laugh…think about people in my life…the clients…

Also suddenly I got contacted by two single men whom I emailed and met several times. I think I have a telepathy.

Since I realized I want romance, intimacy and true love and connection but avoided real stuff by living escort(to fulfill my need with surface…level) secret hobby life…I knew I had to change my approach if I want that.
So I am kind of adjusting my approach and life a bit…
Met one escort service inquiring client yesterday for therapeutic massage session after couple of years??? It’s been 4 years or so he contacted me and we both were curious and attracted to each other…
He hired me for massage a few times and we met for kiss and touching…at each other’s place…then we stopped at one point and recently I heard from him and we re-connected.
One of my bucket list was meeting him as escort and client relationship not for massage.
I even said that on a sex interview podcast…that was my fantasy. Becoming an escort and getting paid by this handsome attractive young single client.
Haha
Strangely…he appeared in my life again while all this love, pain, relationship storm was going on…as if Universe is testing me.
I rethink about my wanting or need for validation…ego stuff.
I feel…I thought when someone pays me then they value me or find me attractive or something…
I am starting to think that might be kind of incorrect thought…
I asked him honest questions…while giving massage. Why he didn’t book my escort service.
Anyway…I feel it’s not so important…anymore…
He’s super busy…he loves my massage…he is curious about having sex with me…or I guess attracted to me…
I am now too tired or sleepy to write clear thinking process.
I will pass analyzing about him. Or my thinking.

So continuing with my depression…
After eating lots of sugary pies, breads, some snacks and ice cream etc etc…

And some cries and realizations and talk with my mom-like friend who came over tonight with her homemade food to my Gangnam officetel home…discussing what to do with my house in Itaewon and her moving etc…also my possibility to move to Pyeongtaek to experiment with carnivore’s diet with one client who does keto diet…there are so many possibilities and options.

I also got book co-author publish suggestion and reviewed half of written script from male author who is writing a book on sex and orgasm.
It wasn’t so deep…and there were advice that I don’t agree with…so I doubted if I should contribute to that book or not…as I don’t want to be aligned with shallow knowledge…false advice giving book…for Koreans(they need lots of education…on this topic…honest communication, sex and relationship knowledge and techniques…emotional and physical health for good relationships and marriage and sex life).

I talked with my mom-like friend about her sex life…which is sexless life…with her husband who left home-that was why she didn’t want to go to her home and stayed at my place with her daughter(I found out when I talked with her recently).

I have so much to share…I feel.
I don’t think there are Korean women who had the experiences I had…and also know healing therapy methods to help people for emotional and technical aspects of sex and relationships…
I got asked or encouraged a lot to write a book or make movie out of my life…
My friend also suggested I write book myself…not co-author…
So that made me think of moving to Pyeongtaek and focus on writing and working on my e-commerce site.

I kind of feel…things happen for a reason…unfolding some ways…interesting ways or something meaningful way…

Because I was threatened by this wife of dear client…that led me to study more about human nature, emotions, trauma and pains many people experience…and reflecting my own pains and emotions from childhood…led me to more self discovery etc…
Somehow I feel puzzles are piece together…although I am not 100% clear at this moment. But something positive come out from all this stuff…

Anyway, today I watched this video and it is so resonating with me.

20 tips to Healthy Love

Single people…or anyone who really want to improve love life, relationship…check out. 🙂

I feel grateful to find this video and learn more…about this…
I would love to meet someone who also knows these things and practice…healthy love.

🙂

Chaos…and peace…love…purpose…mission…whatever…unfolding…
We’ll see…

Thanks for reading my rants and thoughts and blog post. 🙂
I appreciate your interest and time to check out what I have to say.

I am gonna share tomorrow about cheating…love…perspective…as someone who got cheated on by ex husband and also was on the side to give pain to someone’s wife…two times as an escort…
Will be interesting and authentic view point that socially…correct…well mannered main stream view can’t say or share honestly…
Also who would have experienced what I have experienced like both side of the story?

As a wife and escort…

See you tomorrow. 🙂