I was gonna write about my naive(?) “no dating experience” blog post but I am going to write about that for next blog post. 🙂
Today I am inspired to write about body image, self confidence, social media and comparison…with escort industry(I don’t know if we call escort as industry though haha).
So I was very much consumed about how to go about touring international escort and FlyMeToYou service.
I was researching while I was staying home depressed and not visiting my family during Chuseok holiday(Korean Thanksgiving).
The main thing I discovered from researching many touring international escorts and their twitter and escort’s podcasts was it’s about image, branding, giving luxury perception to the high end clientele.
They do photo shoot and have a website showing images that portray they wear designer clothes or nice, sexy, beautiful clothes, make up on, high heels, various lingerie, nice hotel or places etc.
Have to have a nice website with visuals and they do reference check with higher rate for their services.
I was married to European man with executive level career.
We had a Mercedes-Benz and he would have loved me for doing make up, buying clothes, going to hair salon and Grand Hyatt brunch on Sundays but I wasn’t into those.
Instead, I was busy running my self development, mind body spirit consciousness related community center and studio and attending classes and workshops I hosted or members offered.
When he told me to buy clothes or go shopping, I said
“I will buy nice clothes when I lose weight”
Then he would say
“You can buy clothes now and buy again when you lose weight”
I didn’t have a good self body image.
Right now I am in my best body weight and quite great energy level in my adult life, I am happy when I am in ketosis(I can tell from my energy level and face).
I look much prettier when I am in ketosis(my body is using ketones as a fuel source after burning fat instead of using glucose as a fuel).
When I deplete glucose and glycogen by eating minimal level of carb for ketosis or walk or work out to empty my glycogen level then my face looks tighter and smaller and I become prettier.
My friend can tell always if I doing ketogenic diet right or not by looking at me.
I look puffy and eyes get smaller when I eat too much carb and in ketosis because glucose holds water in the body.
Since I discovered ketogenic lifestyle, my energy level and health and mood got so much uplifted due to the mechanism of ketosis and ketones and naturally my body fat was going down as my body is using dietary fat and body fat as fuel source.
So I am kind of in my best shape and body weight these days.
But yet I am very critical of my body…
When I traveled down to Geoje island with one of my friend to meet another friend there, I felt quite bad.
I felt bad about my body although they envied me for having a confidence to wear sports top bra style outfit.
They don’t wear that kind of outfit. They are in their 50s and have tummy-they say.
This is my favorite outfit I like to wear-I feel comfortable in that outfit for gym and work out, walk in the nature to soak up the sunlight(I only take off outer part in the private area).
I felt I had tummy that time when we ate at conventional restaurants with high carb(rice and typical Korean food) and flavor enhancers and sauces(although the friend living there took us to a restaurant she thought was great place).
I had foggy brain, bloating and puffy feeling, my eyes got smaller(due to puffiness) and fingers got swollen from MSG.
So I didn’t feel my best and my body didn’t look great and feel great. I almost didn’t want to go to the beach.
I wanted to stay in the car and take a nap or something from the food reaction.
They noticed I had very critical self body image…they kept telling me
“You have a nice body. I wish I had your body. Your legs, stomach…wearing sports bra like you”
Their comments or words didn’t do much to my ego or feelings that time.
I felt fat…
In Korea, women have so much pressure to be slim and thin and beautiful and feminine.
Many westerners express how beautiful Korean women are.
Majority of Korean women are not obese-slim side unlike America and most of them wear make up socially.
Some even put on make up when they go to supermarket for simple grocery shopping, many Korean women put full on make up when they go hiking-that was quite culture shock to me.
I lived abroad and stayed abroad more often till recent time.
Also I heard from foreigners that all the Korean women look so similar that they can’t tell…when they were in Gangnam.
Many Korean women do plastic surgery and they have typical beauty standard and want to look like certain way and fit into typical beauty standard.
I was little chubby kid when I was young. I used to be alone and buy ice cream and sweet stuff to soothe my loneliness when I was alone-my parents were out of home working…or something.
I had a poor self image when I lived in Korea.
But when I went to live US, I got so much confidence.
You know…so many Americans are obese and I wasn’t fat at all in the States.
I thought I was fat but my fellow co-workers in McDonald’s told me
“You are not fat at all!”
I was doing fast food management internship in McDonald’s after my college graduation when I was like 20 or 21.
I don’t know if you ever watched the documentary called “Super Size Me”.
I was kind of super sized me that time-gained more weight then back in Korea but I got so much self confidence and positive body image in the States, that was the greatest gift I got from my 1 year living in USA.
Also a few years ago, I did 90 day road trip in the States with my sex positive American friend, I got even more self confidence.
I love sex and orgasm…by now you may know about me. :)))
I went to Las Vegas to attend internet marketing conference and the biggest take away from attending conference was embracing my weirdness. One of the internet marketer leader had a talk.
The couple’s message was “Be yourself. Embrace your weirdness” “Being authentic”
They encouraged us to blog about our passion and being ourselves.
The problem I felt was …I love sex and orgasm but I can’t talk about it or blog about in Korea.
Because I felt people will judge me and in Korean society it’s really taboo…
But my fellow internet marketer friends encouraged me to be myself and do it.
Because no one will be brave enough to talk about sex and I would have no competition. 🙂
After chatting with them at the lobby, I decided to be myself that night.
And I went on road trip with this friend I met from internet marketing conferences I attended past couple of years or so that time.
One day I was horny and wanted to have sex and get orgasm…
I asked her in the hotel “Do you think it’s bad if I write an ad to find someone for casual sex?”
She said “No. I don’t think it’s bad at all”
She’s the one who introduced “Sex at dawn” book which impacted my perspective on monogamy and infidelity.
I found out that she was from Santa Cruz and had sex positive mindset from growing up in California from liberal family and environment. We went to San Francisco and her home town. What a great memory and blessing. Although later I couldn’t wait to be part away from her when she was doing full on bi-polar behaviors…
She encouraged me to be myself and do it.
So I posted an ad on Craigslist saying I was traveling and road tripping and would travel through Vail area in Colorado.
I usually have a long list of what I want from a man for sexual encounter so I wrote long list with great details.
What I want in terms of physical, sexual, intellectual aspects I like from a man and also expressed who I was and what I could offer(my body and personality description, sexual preferences, likes, dislikes).
I got hundreds of responses and I chose one. It was great.
Had Colorado experience too. If you know what I mean… 🙂
Anyway, so from that incident and a silicon valley nerd(he might have impacted your life with technology you might be using now) experience and in San Francisco and more…during this trip, I realized my values more than Korea.
Because Americans value individuality, rainbows of colors and shades unlike all programmed stereotypical beauty standard in Korea.
I was surprised to see not so slim women were wearing bikini in the States when I first saw that kind of culture. 🙂
In Korea, not many women wear bikini. They think they are not slim enough.
I feel so comfortable wearing bikini and sports top when I am in overseas.
Sports top…even wearing in my gym…I feel people look at me…
You don’t see sports top outfit women jog in Seoul. I don’t think I never seen anyone.
I wore my sports top style outfit on one typhoon pouring night. Haha outside…
Ah, I walked to my secret spot in one of my favorite small forest/mountain in Gangnam as there were very few to no one in that forest.
My dream…haha getting out of comfort zone bucketlist will be jogging in my sports bra top style outfit in a sunny day in Namsan and Gangnam. I think people will be shocked to see that in Gangnam. Haha
This was taken when I was in lake in Quebec, Canada.
I was hanging out in Canada after US immigration rejected me to take connecting flight to US after finishing e-commerce workshop in Vancouver. I traveled to USA very often to attend conferences and personal development purposes but I got stopped at Ottawa airport US custom. By black lady. I felt her hostile energy towards me.
I was with my African American friend in his 60s. I was wearing modern Korean traditional outfit! Haha
I learned I have to wear low key or something!
He told me black women think Asian women are taking their men. Ha!!!
I learned about about history of slavery, racism, being an African American, discrimination from my friend while traveling together to attend internet marketing workshops and conferences as a business part-we were gonna help each other as we have different strength but from this incident, I requested him to take me out from business registration as immigration told me to get a business visa when I simply returning back to US to attend Speaker’s Training.
I thought that was about racism…what I experienced. Then recently I bought PDF from professional escort and after a year later…now…I realized that they were suspicious of me for sex work!!! I think!!!
Typical Korean women won’t wear bikini like this in Korea…usually. They would think they are fat or worry people will look at them and fear judgement if they don’t have a killer body(but even Korean women with great body won’t have strong self confidence I think).
Anyway, that’s where I am coming from.
The culture, society, people’s perception, so many women doing plastic surgery, comparing looks and body…main stream media is programming people certain beauty and body image, fat shaming…so open and public on TV.
BTW, I am not attracted to obese men for sexual encounters so I turned down a few inquiries…I felt bad…
But it’s not fat shaming…I just can’t do what my heart is…not in it fully.
I wish they would learn and do ketogenic lifestyle and melt body fat and get healthier and slimmed down a bit.
I would happily guide and coach them and have sex after that. It’s so smooth and natural to drop body fat if one does right way…scientific way.
Anyway, so back to the escort and high end escort observation.
I noticed…more slim, beautiful, nice makeup, fashion with bigger boobs…escorts were doing high end escort(international touring, FlyMeToYou option) with higher rate.
I was curious about those who book high end escorts and wanted to experience that side of escort life out of curiosity.
And I thought I have to lose more body fat first.
I like to be in fittest and greater shape and feeling for myself anyway and I had a goal to lose more body fat too.
Getting slimmed down was first thing in my mind to initiate my high end escort-internationally touring escort experiment(I have a course to attend and study etc so I don’t plan on doing this full time).
Then photo shoot. Site renovation. Following guide and steps from other high end escorts.
I know I can look even more beautiful and pretty with fashion, make up when I put time and effort into those stuff.
It can be fun too when I am in that project for a change. 🙂
So that was my thought and plan to do it when I am in the situation to pursue that side of escort career.
Because I was curious and also wanted to expand my horizon and meet various background of people.
But while listening more podcast episodes from escorts, I felt this is not really what I want to put focus and energy at this time. I like to do more healing work-ketogenic and aromatherapy/essential oil education though videos and programs.
I decide to experiment with those options when I catch up with health and wellness side of projects.
One of my surprising discovery was this lady.
She’s big size lady who had a higher rate and offered international touring escort and FlyMeToYou options as high end escort.
It was quite surprising according to my perception of escort and body image and all of those.
I was curious about her. What makes her have confidence like that.
Despite of general perception of beauty in this industry.
I went to her twitter and she was saying I have tummy but still yummy…something like that. And ending with “Deal with it”
Haha It was confident tone. 🙂
And she’s very intelligent and classy(according to her and review).
And I found her blog post on that exact subject today!
Title: Companionship & the Plus Size Woman: Combatting Thin-Privilege.
I really enjoyed reading her post!
Then I stated to check out plus size women escorts or videos today.
I have two feelings(? is this right expression??) on body image in regards healthy, obesity…
I feel so many Americans are obese-it’s epidemic and not a good thing.
I think it’s better or wiser to lose body fat for health purpose-it’s great for mental, physical, emotional reasons. I believe.
Sometimes I feel American main stream media is too much encouraging people with body self confidence when some of them have to concern about their health.
It has to be balanced.
If one is really healthy and feeling great then it should be fine.
But being obese with health issues and health conditions and yet thinking they are totally fine…because so many other people around them are obese…and they think that’s normal(it’s not normal thing to see…if they come to healthy fit State or Europe or other countries) is not something I don’t agree with.
Anyway here are some videos I enjoyed and got some insights and perspectives and lessons!
Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Cover Model Ashley Graham
How Ashley Graham fit into the fashion world
Plus-size? More Like My Size | Ashley Graham | TEDxBerkleeValencia
“Take CONTROL Of Your OWN CAREER!” – Ashley Graham (@theashleygraham) – Top 10 Rules
Ending the pursuit of perfection | Iskra Lawrence | TEDxUniversityofNevada
Looks aren’t everything. Believe me, I’m a model. | Cameron Russell
The Biggest Disease Affecting Humanity: “I’m Not Enough” by Marisa Peer
Your Thoughts Will Heal or Kill You with Marisa Peer and lewis Howes
So while researching about FlyMeToYou, international touring escort path, I was thinking about about my body, my style, my standard…wondering if I could do that.
I can do all the superficial stuff to match up and I know I can become even more attractive for general public’s perspective but being so discreet part seemed like so not me.
I love to open and express myself like this…blogging.
I protect my clients’ identity and share my story but I wondered if I have to only show very superficial things in public and not talk about any stories, feelings that are related to my escort life…
I have to be silent and quiet to be discreet?
My interpretation could be wrong but it seems like most of high end escorts share lingerie, foods, brand name goods, gifts, nude, photo shooting, tour date announcement stuff mostly shared on their twitter account except very very few.
I wondered if it’s really dangerous quality to have as a high end escort…as these clienteles take importance on being discreet. I am too honest, open style…I thought.
Anyway…a lot of learning, observation, thinking…
It’s great that I grow. Anyway this high end escort experience, I would love to try out for an experience someday. 🙂
Life seems interesting and exciting.
What will be unfolding and new experiences I will have when I take a chance!
And challenges and adventures.
Life is full of fun and growth. 🙂 I feel.
What do you think about this body image, self confidence, high end escort? 🙂
Feel free to share your thoughts. I am curious!
P.S. I am adding these videos for self confidence, acceptance, body image affirmations. 🙂
I haven’t watched them all of them yet. Let me know what you think. Hope these are giving you positive energy and empower you. <3
Louise Hay | Love Your Body | Listen to 400+ Affirmations to Heal Your Body
How To Love Yourself And Be Confident| Louise Hay
10 Simple Ways to Love Yourself
I have to practice too. <3