Loneliness and human connection, interaction…and my dopamine high and low with escort hobby life

I haven’t really introduce myself much rather than being an escort.
Even escort is not my full time job. I will make intro or about section soon.

I love being an escort most of the time 99%?
Except when I experience no show or not so well mannered or uncaring communication style clients.
My two recent disappointing experiences were from men in same field(I won’t mention).

Last Saturday, this person booked an appointment but didn’t make it.
He told he was lost. The next day…Sunday he rescheduled but…again he didn’t show up.
2 days of my life…were gone like that.
And there was another strange incident with another person in the military being so uncaring style of communication…(he was like that several times…).
I shouldn’t judge people with a few common pattern but somehow I was wondering about men in this field.

To me, freedom is the most important thing in my life…I can’t really understand how one can just follow other people’s order…or have no freedom…they might have their own reason…like being proud of serving the country or fight for other country…but I doubt the motives of wars or protecting other countries.

Anyway, it is very annoying to deal with irresponsible, uncaring, not communicative people.

I even cried and was so depressed and down…when I felt this person was so disrespectful and uncaring…I expressed it in a long email and got apologies at the end…then again he did it again.
I wondered and tried to think from his perspective…someone who goes to war…and…
Could normal emotional…sensitive human beings do that?
I wondered…
I even wondered…the people in the army might be more responsible…? Maybe not?
It’s the opposite?
Self…controlled…self motivated people would join the army?
I don’t know about the situation or mentality behind this army, military mindset…I guess it’s all individual things…I better not generalize I guess…

Anyway, although I found this one guy insensitive and uncaring…with communication…style…but somehow I had a best sex with him in my life.
Just some people…I felt there is perfect anatomy…
There’s a story about this encounter…I won’t share the details…but somehow I kept thinking about him and wondering about him.
Even before meeting him, many insensitive or strange communication style with him…I was attracted to him.
Maybe I am shallow…? He is on ketogenic lifestyle, intelligent, in great shape-I knew those factors…while chatting with him.
Somehow I was very attracted to him…

He’s lonely…I guess…no…he is for sure lonely. In his higher ranking position…he can’t hang out like other younger guys…
He went to wars many times and found surprised not to be dead still…
Had trauma and got his therapies…he thinks he’s now all fine but I am wondering…
Deep down how he would feel not not feel.
Maybe numbing himself?

I miss and care, communicate with clients I met and had great connections with often.
This guy…I think about him a lot…Wonder what happened…if he would contact me. Really wondering.

I am using escort hobby biz to fulfill my needs for love, affection and connection.
That’s why I blog everyday to connect and attract the kind of clients who also resonate with me, who are similar like me…who like connection, affection, passion, caring…love…

Today I went to flower tea and color therapy gathering and met my friends and they came over to my home and we had a really nice time.
I realized how nice to meet like-minded people and friends in person…share, connect…not just chat group or facebook, Instagram, social media.
After moving to this neighborhood, I was kind of alone mode from regular interaction with friends except meeting clients.
I love meeting clients whom I feel so connected and when we have a great time but it’s not filling me in everyday life all the time(of course).

It’s occasional events as I don’t meet clients all the time or many of them.
If I meet client, I meet only one client maximum a day.
The client I decide to meet is on my focus and special to me.

It’s like I don’t check my phone and put silence mode 24/7 almost all the time…and especially when I am with someone/anyone.
I don’t answer the phone or check messages.
I put undivided attention when I am with someone I care about and most of the time in general.

A few weeks ago, one of my friend came over and she was constantly checking her phone and texting while talking with me and other friend of us…that was so turned off behavior and I didn’t want to meet her if she would do that all the time or again(it’s her style-I mentioned to her to turn down the phone and focus when we were together talking).

Simon Sinek’s clip on this matter I deeply resonated with. Full episode, he talks about how him and his friends leave smart phones when they go out. Only one person is bringing phone for Uber or urgent situation in case.
And he shares some of the things he feel is important…like in a meeting or board meeting, people shouldn’t bring their phone inside…etc…something like that.

Addiction to Technology is Ruining Lives – Simon Sinek on Inside Quest

Full interview here.

Simon Sinek on How to Get People to Follow You Inside Quest

Anyway…I have a loneliness issue…But it turns out….I am not alone!!!!

Survey shows “epidemic” of loneliness in America

Study reveals loneliness at epidemic levels

Joe Rogan talks Loneliness epidemic in the U.S.

Joe Rogan on Loneliness in America

While watching some of the news clip and interview from Joe Rogan show, I learned people who do together lose weight more again.
I am a ketogenic coach for Koreans (right now I am in a break/vacation mode as I wanted to be free from committed meetings every Sat at my place after moving to new home recently).
Because I stopped coaching, my keto life is going bad…and of course my people too.
They are asking me to re-start ASAP.
As a social beings…we do better when we meet, socially interact together…support…have a human connection and caring…

Since I had my human connection fulfillment today I feel so much better. But yesterday I was so lonely…
I cried while looking at the sky…it was so nice blue sky…so beautiful…while walking in Namsan park.

It was so beautiful to make me cry…somehow. Heart touching…

Nowadays I am seriously considering fostering a dog or looking into walking a dog. I wish I could find someone who like to let me walk their dog!

I am scared and worried about some occasions I might have to leave Seoul if I visit client in other city or country-fly me out option-going abroad(recently one of my client suggested me to come to Switzerland although this time I might not go due to short notice).

I really miss playing and hanging out with dogs…and want to have a dog…but I know I can’t own a dog or don’t want to own a dog…because I like freedom…ah~~~~~!
I love golden retrieve or lab…big sweet dogs.

But I feel so concerned about not being home all the time after I foster a puppy(I found one puppy in need of urgent foster care now).
Have to have a friend or neighbor or co-fostering partner…maybe I should post ad to find someone or people…

I feel…I like all the freedom and fun…(of playing with dog whenever I want only)…that is quite unrealistic dream?
I feel this kind of pattern applies to my personal dating, love life…that I like freedom but wanting affection, love, care…

I don’t really date anyone and close off my heart usually for normal love, dating scenario…yet I miss clients…and sometimes I was almost falling in love…(I was…when I started escort life…it’s another story…was even considering to go to Iraq or Afghanistan).

Anyway…this is my rant about loneliness…my addiction to dopamine…affection, love and some complaints…:))

These are some of the photos I took today at the flower tea lecture and yesterday when I was so lonely…walking alone in the park and my neighborhood called Gyeongridan and HBC(Haebangchon) and going to restaurants alone(sometimes I feel like asking my clients to come and join me for meals, walk, movies…then I never do that…it seems weird or strange…unprofessional?). Anyway I am not so professional though! :))

I wish to share walks, talk, foods, memories…nature…with someone…I guess deep down.
This is what my version of GFE(girl friend experience)… 🙂
One of my client I met a few days ago told me I won’t get any inquiries if this type of meeting is what I wanted…
Walk in the park, cooking at home, dog walking, movies…haha

You can click thumbnails to enlarge. Tour of my neighborhood a little bit. 🙂

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