Rethinking infidelity

Tonight I met married client who never had sex out of marriage(about 29 year marriage) also never had sex with Asian women before.

After changing my perspective on this infidelity and monogamy…I don’t feel any guilt or bad feelings.
I feel so natural about this now…unlike before…
Just two human beings connecting, sharing, experiencing each other…
Having a human experience.

This client is human and having special experience in Korea….with someone he resonates with.
He loves his wife,  is now on business trip to Korea for the first time.

We had a nice time and sharing…feeling so comfortable. So natural.

Interestingly I was watching a movie when he sent booking inquiry and made a phone call which I ignore(I don’t answer the phone).
The movie was called “To the Wonder“.

Interestingly the movie background was US and also the country he was from.
I was reflecting about marriage, dating, relationship while watching this movie at home.
These days I hardly watch movies or TV these days as I am too busy watching health and wellness topic videos but tonight I was in the mood.
After the time with my client, I was thinking to myself…I wonder how we got connected…it seems quite special occasion that we meet like this…
In Buddhism, it’s very very special occasion that we meet-I don’t know how many times we met in the past life but huge numbers…
That was reminded from one of the professor who shared yesterday’s flower tea ceremony/lecture.
I was wondering about that while laying next to him. Souls meet…each other.

Anyway, back to the infidelity subject.
My CEO/repeat client(the one who led me to escort life) has a girl friend he likes(loves?) but still he has a need to have sex with various partners.
He explains like “Even if you like Galbi(Korean BBQ), you will get bored of eating it all the time”
That was his analogy.
I totally can relate to it…as I really enjoy meeting various people, experiencing new or different things.

I was married before and was devastated when I found out my ex-husband was cheating(while I was abroad for attending conferences or going back in Seoul to take care of my center-that time I was living in Beijing).
He admitted his wrong doings that time(but now I understand) and we ended up agreeing that…or I ended up agreeing to only travel twice a year, 2 weeks at a time.
But that turned out to be too trapping feeling for me.
All he wanted me to do was enjoying life he provided…maid, driver, getting massages almost everyday, going horse riding…etc…he would like me to buy clothes or make up or hair done…but I wasn’t into those.
I wanted to buy books and courses online and run my center in Seoul(I still kept the center when we left Korea for Beijing expat life).
Because I love freedom too much, I ended up leaving Beijing and coming back to Korea after 4 years of living in Beijing with him. FYI, he was European.
I was kind of thinking what I did as a wife…
I feel…looking back…my wife duty(?) was buying flowers and having sex with him everyday(which I loved it and voluntarily, happily did- we met through sex site by the way). 🙂
He gave me so much freedom comparing to typical Korean husbands or others in general when I reflected back after I got matured. :)) I was so immature and young…

I remember one night we were arguing in our car while Chinese driver was driving back us home after dining out at a fancy nice restaurant in Wangjing area in Beijing.

He was saying”I am working my ass off for you. All I want is you enjoy life I provide for you”
I wasn’t appreciating back then. I shouted back something so stupid and immature…like who asked you to work your ass off to provide for me…or something…haha! So bad!

Having young ungrateful Korean wife who had an expensive hobby(of running center for sharing something meaningful…personal development type, health conscious community studio)…

It’s all good…human experience. 🙂 I appreciate the time together and life we had. Even after divorce, he never regretted being together…he told me in the email.
And we still communicate each other(he got remarried early this year).

A few years later…I stumble upon one book called Sex at Dawn by Chris Ryan.
After reading that book, I felt so liberated and got different insight and clarity about monogamy and I could totally understand my ex.
I was kind of thinking…we would have been doing just fine if we expressed our deep needs and desires openly and understand each other…

This is interview on how he got to write that book…

Anyway, again interestingly I got an email from potential client expressing his guilty feeling of meeting me when I checked my iphone.
In my car…before leaving…I checked and it was totally understandable and cool with me even if we don’t meet for my escort service.
But I wanted to share some of the videos that I was resonating with a lot.
There are so many questions and answers…or suspects…on why people cheat…etc…

I feel it’s just simply…we are human beings…we are curious…want to experience…enjoy…
Natural thing…
Although society put the rules and laws on it…against it…manipulating…sexuality…sometimes in a way I was feeling if I am taking advantage of this to my pleasure.

Anyway here are some videos. 🙂
Some videos, I haven’t watched yet. I have to come back to this post and watch sometime.

Esther Perel Explains Why People Are Unfaithful

Rethinking infidelity … a talk for anyone who has ever loved | Esther Perel

Esther Perel: The Truth About Infidelity, Intimacy, and Love with Lewis Howes

Esther Perel Interview | The Tim Ferriss Show (Podcast)

Esther Perel Interview | The Tim Ferriss Show (Podcast)

How To Find The Sweet Spot Between Love & Desire | Esther Perel

Why Do Happy People Cheat? (feat. Esther Perel)… (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

Esther Perel | Modern Love and Relationships | SXSW 2018

Keynote Speaker: Esther Perel • Presented by SpeakInc • The Future of Love, Lust and Listening

Christopher Ryan: Why is sex such a big deal?

Are we sexual omnivores? | Christopher Ryan

“We’re All Perverts”: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality with Author Christopher Ryan

“Go Ahead, F**k The Nanny,” Says “Sex At Dawn” Author Chris Ryan (Interview w/ Ana Kasparian)

Christopher Ryan & Cacilda Jetha – Non-Monogamy

The 3 Things We Get Wrong About Sex, Love & Monogamy | Dan Savage

I really liked Dan Savage’s advice on relationship. He’s gay and his message to straight couple is really cool, truthful, straightforward-not beating around the bushes like traditional straight people…style(many couple don’t say what they want…in their relationships or marriages…).
🙂 Quite bold and refreshing!

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